Drowsy in a rock song!

Done and done

2011-12-22T22:43:00.000-08:00

my semester this year, part 1 and part 2 are completed.. well, not fullu though, I still need to submit this lab report that was found missing from my lecturer's posession, in which I had no more copy of, and need to redo which I really don't intend to do. I've also several lab reports to go (3 I think) but most of it just to add a little bit of this and that so we have no worries whatsoever. And of course, final exams....

This semester has been a very tiring semester. A very long-stressing-no sleep semester. I am so happy it is finally over. Maybe I need to stay in for the next semester but whatever it is, I'm done with this one. Thank you very much!

Ok enough yabbing for the time being, I'm off now! Happy holidays and happy new year!

AIMS

2011-12-12T01:08:00.001-08:00

When we are doing some things, we do it with aims. It doesn't matter if your aims are high or low, as long as there's an aim, it's all right.

Moncet thought I was having a bad day yesterday, what's with a disappoint,emt in my swimming competition, the unexpected disaster with my thumbdrive, the bruised back I have for falling on the wood frame of my couch. Yes, everything seemed to be a bad day combined, but that's just my luck. If I were to compare my luck to a less lucky person than I was, I am just very lucky to be alive.

Later last night, I figured, it doesn't matter where I landed when I was jumping on the couch, I still ended up on the couch even if it is on the couch's woodframe. I entered the interfaculty swimming competition aiming for the certificate and the free t-shirt. That was a bad aim, I know. Even though I had a cramp in the water and wasn't able to continue swimming, I will still get my free t-shirt and my certificate. So, I still get what I aim for, and man, success will never come without a price.....or pain.

Therefore, about my bruised backside, my lost in swimming, my broken thumbdrive, maybe that's just the price and pain that I have to endure in my journey to greatness. If I did complain, its just that I can never contain it inside of my heart, I'm gonna need to atbleast let it out. But for now, I'm not complaining. ;)

2.00 PM

2011-12-04T23:51:00.000-08:00

It was about an hour and a half ago since I saw my car, neat and pretty, ready to be cleaned tomorrow, parked nicely with stones used to keep my car from going downhill. I was pretty happy by the way I parked it, and the time I took to park it and everything. I went to class feeling quite happy with myself, until two minutes later, when I had just crossed the road half my way to the faculty, baaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmm!!

The sound of a car slamming on another car was so loud, I could hear it from across the road. I knew there and then when I took a glance over the parking area, it looked like a car of my car's color was moving on a downward trajectory with a black moving car behind it that seemed to me like it was pushing the car in front of it. I had a bad feeling about it then. Suddenly my happiness shattered in an instant.

I went back to the parking lot and realized what my instincts had been telling to me was true. I saw my car, sandwiched between the black car and a divider. I was lost in words. I know I can't get the car out on my own, and I know I could not kept my tears from going out, and if I was two minutes late, I would probably be inside that car while the accident happened, and the condition would've been worse. So I cried.

I tried to get myself together when two male students came and help me getting my car out of there. I sat in my car asking Mom and Dad and calling Moncet hoping someone could help me. The male students helped putting my front bumper back together (it looked worse) and they told me to make a report and wait till the owner of the black car arrives. I waited until 25 minutes later, the guards came. They were all trying to figure out what had cause the black car in such a terrible condition. That was when I came to them asking what to do.

I told them what happened, and they helped me out (thank God) and now I have to wait until that kid calls me to settle this thing.

GREEN

2011-12-03T06:08:00.001-08:00

Green is the new black,as what I always wanted to say. It is not because my favorite color is green, no. It is actually my least favorite color ever! But somehow, I do want to let my future kids to experience green environment as I had when I was smaller. My environment nowadays are green only on money, shirt and anywhere that isn't in the city. Therefore, my goal in studies is to achieve such money to make my life in future as green and environmentally friendly as possible.

Apparently, I developed this ambition as I was doing my final year project two years ago. My project was about deleping a new biodegradable coagulant made out of wheat germ. It has been a wonder how something that we throw away as trash could be transformed into something useful to treat something else. My project was about turning waste to a waste treatment material to treat waste water. Isn't that ironic?

Science has always made things worse, but ironically, people have to depend on science to make things better. I've always loathed science since school but somehow I always end up having science as my major. For the being, I'm studying to be a chemical engineer but what I really want is quite the opposite a chemical engineer does. I once dreamt about me doing something exactly like this university in Taipei (I think) did.

They managed to recreate an actual stream by relocating the river that existed at the university's location about some hundred years ago. And to top with that, the river was actually the recycled waste water that has been used to water the plants in the green house, which the water was treated beforehand by the chemical engineering faculty members. They corporated with the landscape architecture and architecture faculty members to recreate a greener environment in their university. I wish I could do something like that here, in Malaysia.

Wish me luck peeps, I might be the one of many who helped saving the world. Hey, I'm no Angelina Jolie or Leonardo DiCaprio who could help with the money they have and the influence they have with the big names of the world but hey, I'm a chemical-engineer-to-be whose partner is an architect-to-be. If I can't make it through for the world yet, I'm gonna make sure that I would make it possible in our house later on.

Poison

2011-11-24T08:24:00.001-08:00

Its been a while. Hi. My name is Nabilla. Billa to be short. Remember me? There's this one person who doesn't. He's forgotten where I came from, how he and I were connected or how close we were once upon a time ago. I feel sorry for him to forget where he came from, where he stood, and where he is standing now. He said an unforgettable thing that nobody in his right mind would like to hear. The facts were wrong, the justifications were bullshit and the the accusation was too big and too humiliating to be heared of. Out of my very last bit of respect towards him, I forced myself to shut up and listen, but trust me, that was the last time me or my family would ever be close to him. He poisoned me literally, and I am never going to let it kill me. I'll live through the pain, and I can concoct my own cure anyway. To that person, I pray that one day you'll realize that what you did was wrong.

Has anything ever been stolen from you?

2011-11-04T09:10:00.001-07:00

my heart <3

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Blogshopping

2011-11-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Since last Saturday, I've been craving for online window shopping for somethings I wish I had. However those things I wished to buy were mere hopes as I don't think I have all the money to buy them. T_T

Here are some of those things I wish I could buy. Ahakkss! As if! I could though, just couldn't find the necessity for me to buy them..


An elephant ring, Jonah from http://quaintquintessence.blogspot.com

Doreen,

a very unique deer bracelet with layered chain effect.

aaaannnd this very cute leather bracelet that looks very much like me!

and I would also love to have this blazer (for my sleeveless dresses).

This one's from DIARY ADDICTION

Cheesecake brownies from LiyanaHashim bakery
I've had one of these and they're to die for!

And I guess that's it for now.. :P Lemme continue with my blogshoppin!

Yeah, please, stereotype me again and I'll blow your head off!

2011-11-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Fun isn't it, to be stereotyped as the person who would always say NO. Maybe I did always said NO but perhaps there are somethings I'd like to join in too.. perhaps I was just hoping to be invited instead of being obnoxious and inviting myself. 

Perhaps I wanted an action (which of course speaks louder than word) that would tell me how much they cared, instead of the obligatory stares and forceful smiles people tend to give me and awkward ways people reacts around me. Sometimes I feel offended by comments that I don't understand the purpose of it. 

Example:

B: you know what, there was this....(blablabla *talking)...
D: suddenly looked away talking with A without caring how much it hurts everytime he does that as if I wasn't there talking to him when in fact he was free for chats before I started speaking to him.

or

A: lets go to this event! All of us!

E: what about B? Shouldn't we invite her as well? She's a part of us..

A: Naaahh~ she wouldn't want to come. Trust me.

meanwhile...

B: hey, does anyone of u wants to go to this event?
A: nope. (when in fact she was already there but felt really sorry she didn't asked B to come)

B: owh, alright then. I guess I'll just have to not go then.. 

after a while...

W: A! This event was so awesome!

N: tell me about it! I wish we could go again sometime!

T: post pictures on Facebook!
A: (stupidly did not hide the photos from B) 

later...

E: I've told them they should've invited you to come along.. sorry..

B: I specifically asked A if anyone wants to go, I'd love to join.. ;( [loooking at the pictures]

This is what's happening to me! I don't understand why people would always look at me and think "Naaah~ she wouldn't want to...." and "She'll say NO, trust me...". Theres also a probability people look at me and think "oh I hate this, why is she speaking to me? Lemme pretend to be speaking to someone else"

Well guess what losers, I can manage! It wont happen again and I will certainly distance myself away from all of you until the day you will look at me and think of me POSITIVELY! And guess what, I wont be speaking to any of you ever again because I know, speaking to a wall will give me more feedback than you would ever give. So have fun ignoring people while they're speaking and be disrespectful as you always did, I couldn't care less and I'm going to acknowledge the fact that you just wished me to shut the hell up and not speak to you ever again. Thank you.

WISH / DEMAND / TO- DO/BUY -LIST

2011-10-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

There was a challenge made by Moncet about a month ago. The challenge was for me not to promote my birthday like I always did. I'm sorry Moncet, I'm not exactly promoting, but I just want to state my wishlist for my birthday, and this is actually a reminder to what I must buy for myself by the end of next week. :P

a pet! I want and will have a pet later, be it a tank full of fish, or a sugar glider, or a new cat, I do not care. I demand one pet for myself. (ye ye jek~)
~~stationery set! About two sets of fulscap paper, a set of colored highlighters, a book of graph papers, 5 clear files, 4 pens (faber-castell only, black and white)~~
develop my films...
a book.
swim a lot and get 1st spot at SAF UiTM '11 for Faculty of Chemical Engineering swim team.
get slimmer! I gained 5kg in a week. I must've been very stressed out.
go to Elephant Sanctuary. Maybe it is time for me to meet a real life elephant and ride it..awwwhhhh~ it'll be so cooooooooollll!!!
ok that's all.
~~owh, maybe a rm10 topup will be good too.~~
lastly, toner for my printer, broadband for my work. I'll work that out myself, thanks. \

Ok that's all bye!

Lonely

2011-10-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

I'm best known to be very depressed over things I shouldn't be depressed about. Easy to say, I'm full of drama. I'm not acting or anything, just being melodramatic. Right now, I'm depressed over my loneliness. But there's nobody to blame though.. I'm an assignments-and-tests-full student who have to stay put at the table where I must study and do nothing else. Yet, it seems like there's too much to do with so little time. And so, I'm stressed.

I've also not bonded with anything lately, only Nurul and Moncet. I don't exactly have time for socializing, even. I feel bad, that even when my parents were around, there's just to much assignments to do and on the next day, it's not even finished yet. It is so hard to do things under pressure, let alone multitasking I wonder how Mom does it.

I'm thinking of having a pet. Gemok is just so not mine to be hugged and he's just too old anyway...and besides, Gemok hates me. That explains almost everything doesn't it? So I asked my great FACEBOOK friends of what I should get for myself, something I could pet and hug and pour my heart out and not being as lonely as I am now. I'm thinking of the gliding possum. It looks so cute! I wish I have one. I told Moncet about it and he's a bit reluctant about me having a hairy pet. He dislikes cats so when I said I want to get another cat, he immediately said no. As if he's the one to take care of it -___-"

Gemok

But then, when he sees how much enthusiasm I had when talking about the gliding possum or commonly known as a sugar glider, he suddenly suggest that we share money to buy it, but I'm going to have to take care of it. I was (and still am) so thrilled! I hope he did really mean it! Maybe having a pet is exactly what I need to get away from the stress.. ;(

Slim me @ #OctTwtFest 2011

2011-10-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

I'm getting slimmer! Well, thanks to my new regime of Once-a-Week-Exercise, I am now kinda slimmer than before. Not wanting to get thin or anything, I was just hoping to become healthy.

#OctTwtFest 2011

2011-10-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

It is that time of the year again. The end of October nearing to November Rain. Its what we call Tengkujuh in Malaysia, or easily known as The Rainy Season. It is the time for my yearly asthma attack. It has been more than 6 months ago since I last had an asthma attack, but well, its cold now.

We went to #OctTwtFest yesterday. I didn't really want to go but there's nothing to do and nothing to eat at home, and Kak Aziey also went there with her friends, so I went there as well. I didn't even bother to dress up. Just my heels and I wanted to try out my flaming red In2it lipstick. :P

Me and Abo went together with my classmates; Mye Rose and Shikin who asked me if they could follow me if we did go. Since Kak Aziey was already there and Bibik was going out, Abe was out too and Mom & Dad is on their honeymoon in Jakarta, I was intrigued to go out as well. And so we did.

The thing about going to festivities is that there're going to be CROWDED. And I don't like CROWD. I dunno if its just me, but I just hate the crowd, but since they want to go and Abo was insisting to go where Kak Aziey went, I'll just have to deal with it. There were celebrities, artists, celebrity bloggers and of course, I wouldn't know any of them. I'm a total geek!

I don't know them and I think I do not even care. Shikin and Mye were so ecstatic when they saw the celebs, so I guess I was just trying to let them have fun and enjoy their time while me being out of place. So, instead of moping around a complex full of crowd, I went on searching for my fellow blogger friend, Mumtaz Jihan. She sells clothes online and I want to see her.

Here are a picture of us together at her booth;

Mumtaz Jihan & Billa Naha

Here are the pictures of the girls during the whole thing

Them with Fazura

Them with DJ NasT


Them with Mimi OneNationMC

And I even met my old friend there, Kelly Khalil from UiTM Sarawak.

Me and Kelly

That's all folks! I dunno if I will ever enjoy a concert ever again, I don't think I'm up to that anymore. Maybe I'm becoming nicer :P

The Elderly

2011-10-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

Someone called me just now, after I went to the clinic for my neb. He asked if I know him. I asked him back, who? He said he is "AYAH". And then I remembered.

In the end of 2009, I had my stomach full of gaseous substance that kept me in and out of the hospital for months. I was also helplessly fallen out of love thanks to my ex who was intimidated by my wealth status (as if I was THAT wealthy). I was sick and lonely and also was surrounded by work so many I couldn't get things done in time.

One day, while I was doing my work in a local Cyber Cafe near UiTM Samarahan, an elderly man asked me if I could help him register online for his continuation of study. I did that. He asked me so many things and I answered him back generously as I was a bit of a loner myself. We became friends, that uncle and I. His name was Daud, and he asked me to call him Ayah.

Long has it been since that very day. He kept wanting to see me and he gave me tonnes of food so that I would stay healthy, he even topped-up my phone and was really nice to me. He wanted me to be the daughter that he never had, unfortunately, I was busy. So usually when he asked me if I could go to his house to meet his wife, I would decline nicely.

2 years later, after 3 phones, 3 campuses, one-hot-chubby-sexy-great-big-fat boyfriend (that stayed with me ever since then and forever I hope), Ayah contacted me back. He had finished his Masters and continuing his PhD now in KL. He wanted to meet up later. I don't know if I have the time, as for now, it is very hard for me to go anywhere but here, but then, who knows, InsyaAllah I will meet him again, one day.

Teenage Dream

2011-10-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

I miss myself. Being an adult is kinda cool, I get to do things that I wish I could do before, like driving a car, or walking in the rain and not being scolded. But somehow, I missed most of my teenage life to trying to be an adult.

Being young was disastrous to me. It wasn't as fun as some people might had before. I kinda suffered a little, due to low self esteem. I was not as pretty as the girls I befriended with, I was the weird one with a basketball in my hand every now and then. I was the one who would chase this Indian boy for ruining my day around the school. I was the one who would wear all the baggy-typed jeans and the very big-sized shirts all because I was in love with EMINEM. I even memorized the songs..

I was perfectly rebellious back then but I didn't give a damn of what people said about me, or might actually say about me, until one day, the whole class did. I am a very loyal person. If I have a friend in need, I'd be running to save them. And somehow, my own bestfriend ditched me for a guy. I was upset too much I ignored her for the whole week. She was scared that I might actually be angry at her, so after the week, she cried. I wasn't around when she did but when I came back, she wasn't too.

Then her "then" boyfriend came to me with the whole class (guys) except for Kaamesh and Prakash. They were surrounding me and they confronted me with a line I could never forget.

"You think you're being friends with the pretty girls will make you as pretty? You think you can be popular being friends with the popular girls? Who are you to tell my girlfriend I'm no good for her? Who are you to feel bad about her ditching you for me?"

That part of being young is not in my list of misses. I wouldn't want any part of that. I wish I could just be myself, being friends with whoever just because I want to be friends with them, running around where I think I want to run just because I feel like it. I was happier then..prettier..care free and free spirited..

I wish I can be like that again. Being too reserved and controlled all the time are tiresome. I could live accordingly, yes, but there wont be fun in my living, and I wouldn't want that. I wish to enjoy my life again, as I live it today..

Library Dilemma

2011-10-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

The sky are getting darker as I walked through the foyer of the Engineering Tower. The wind blows strongly and the lightning seemed to not wanting me to go back. I turned back from the foyer and went back to the cafeteria. I ate alone in the crowd of people and went straight to the library. I need to find peace. I have about 4 hours to go for my next class.

In the library I'm sitting in between a group of Sabahan and a group of Arabs. Not being racist or anything, just that, I think it is plainly clear that we need to keep quiet in the library right? So I had no idea why these Sabahan just wouldn't stop talking and giggling as if no one can listen to them. And the Arabs, jeez! I'm sorry guys, although you're being nice to us by not raising your voice, you should actually check the volume of your whispers. It's too loud!

Waiting till the moment to go to class, I'm writing this and do my assignments all at the same moment. Some students were already leaving for 2pm classes. I turned on my song at the slowest volume, Hotel California. Moncet have been singing this song to me before we went to sleep last night, now I couldn't take it out of my head. It was my Dad's and my brothers' favorite tune ever so it has always been in my laptop.

Aaaarghh I don't think I can keep my head in tune anymore!! I'm still feverish and my palms are cold. Thank goodness I've stopped sneezing every now and then or else I would be a major annoyance.

2011-09-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

It has been a few weeks (I think more) have I not updated my blog. I've been busy with work and studying purposes I actually missed out a lot of documenting. So here how my life goes so far.

On the first day of Eid, we celebrated by going to the mosque, took family pictures at our home, eat breakfast with traditional Hari Raya food and went to our Uncle's place in Klang (formerly our Grandma's). After that, straight to Mom's kampung in Meru to visits all the grandmothers and grandfathers (Mom's relatives) that are still living there.

On the second day of Raya, however, was not so common. We went out fishing! Nope, not that either. The whole 6 of us; Papa, Mama, Me, Jimie, Abe and Abo went to Pulau Perhentian! We actually celebrated Raya under the sea. Here are some pics!

Abo and Mama

Abe and his fancy footworks

That's me! The beautiful mermaid!

Jimie

Papa and Jimie giving out food to the poor.. oops, I meant fish.

We met Nemo on our trip

That's my Dad saying Hi!

Jimie and his fancy swim tricks~

After Raya, well, back to being busy. Class is starting the next two weeks after Raya but after Terengganu, we went to JB for some serious business. Nah, Mom was having a meeting there and we followed for fun. We even met Mom's sister, Mak Ani there. Well, she lives there. ;p

Here's me, swimming :P

Here's Abo and his fancy dive

Here's Mom and her sister, Mak Ani! Doesn't they look the same?

Next stop was Shah Alam! Home, yeay! But after seeing the many cars and people in Shah Alam due to the students coming back in, I hate it. The traffic and the delays, OH MY GOD! Its exhausting!

Moncet is also (now) back from his internship program. I can't wait to see him but, I'm just someone in his life, so I still can't be the first to greet him home. :( And I still am waiting for a time to meet him which somehow is impossible due to the fact that he's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo busy with his "things" that left no space for me. But oh well, who am I to judge.

Right now I am with my bestfriend from school/home (she lives next door), Amalina! How cool is that, going back and forth to our Engineering School together just like old times =____="

Here's the big girl on her first day of school.Okay it is time for us to go to class now. Bye!

Raya

2011-08-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

I havent been able to post anything for awhile now.. oh it has been a very hectic Ramadhan in PKNS. I've been helping around every day. Alhamdulillah, a month has ended, we lived through it. Although this Ramadhan hadn't been quite as fun as before, we lived through it, alive and well.

I'm going to miss the Raya before. I miss the sound of laughter and noise people make when they are trying to sell their stuff at the end of Ramadhan. I miss the sound of people singing through Raya songs and a lot of other things. I was raised with the memories of having to sell things in bazaar, at PKNS, Jalan TAR, eerywhere. I love it when the sellers went riot and shouting "lelong lelong!" and from what I've been experiencing since small, those are my childhood memory. The experience of enjoying hardship.I know we have improved a lot since the last time we sell at Jalan TAR during Ramadhan, but none of my brothers actually had that experience, and I doubt my children later will ever felt it too.

Everytime I am stressed out, SPM for an example, I'll ask mom to take me out to the busiest marketplace we can find, like Petaling St on a Saturday night. I love it. It gives me enjoyment to be in the noisiest crowd and feel so quiet and alone. It makes me think about my past, all those hardship will just be a hardship if I don't continue to strive until I actually achieve something. It will make me feel stronger and made me want to not let my children have to go what I had to to learn how to live.

This Raya, we would be most lonely. We wont be going out like we used to, we will just be with us, somewhere only we know. I'll have to celebrate without Moncet for 18days and after that, God knows how our story will continue. Yes, I'll be lying to say "I don't miss Moncet", but someday, that will be me, celebrating Ramadhan and Eid somewhere so far away..preferably with a husband and a baby posting pictures in Harian Metro's Salam Perantauan. Amin!

Happy Raya to all!

Translucent Ramadhan

2011-08-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

They say Ramadhan is the month where true nature emerges. The Satans are being kept away and the only thing between us is nafsu, or appetence. Most of Muslims all around the world shows their true color in Ramadhan by reciting Quran, going to the mosque, wait patiently for Maghrib, give others without asking back, etc. Some, they just plain ignorant. Maybe ignorant is their true colors. Some others, they bite.

What I meant by "bite" is when they talk back about their brothers and sisters, their friends and family. These people are those who does not thank Allah for what they have. Sometimes it seems like what they have is not enough, they just have to get some more. And the way to get it is simple. Eliminate opposing competition.

That true colors hurt people more than anything.

Allah mention about this in Surah al-Hujurat, 49:12

Sahih International

O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.

Someone I was really close to before had hurt me last Ramadhan, and to this moment it has been very awkward for me to get close to her. I can't. It is against my nature. Like the idiom say , "once hurt twice shy". Or in my case, "If I can't forgive you, I'll forget about you. Forever!"

This Ramadhan, she hurt another person that was closest to her. I don't understand why, but it seems like she's being parasitic. I just prayed she wouldn't do it anymore to anyone and that she'll get to her senses one day. InsyaAllah.

What's your favorite scent?

2011-08-11T20:32:00.001-07:00

bali dream estee lauder

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

A post I dedicate to Hana Ramzi

2011-08-06T03:54:00.000-07:00

Mom and Dad took us to Masjid Negeri for Qiamullail today. After Subuh prayer, we all went down to a conference room that has been set to telecast a live show of a tv program called Tanyalah Ustaz. It is on everyday and the topics are different every two days, so does the Ustaz. The show allows us to understand deeper about Ramadhan and it allows us to ask questions that we always wanted to ask about Islam and the topics related.

Todays topic was Adab Ramadhan, about manners in Ramadhan. One question was answered by the Ustaz like this. "Whenever we were being cursed or condemned we must always remind ourselves that we're fasting. Like, if someone talk s*&% about you in facebook, or any other places that we can see or hear them, we should tell them that we are fasting. Put it up on facebook "I'm sorry, but I am fasting". That way we can practice our patience.

I am fasting. I am trying to be patience about people who talks bad about me and my family. I am fasting. I am trying to suck in everything that has been given by God Almighty as tests. Maybe the test isn't just made for us but for those people who talks about us as well. So, make peace with the world by telling ourselves above everybody else to be patience for we are fasting in this great month of Ramadhan.

I dedicate this post to my darling friend, Hana. She lost her father this year. It might not be easy for her and her family to cope with the loss but I hope you will be patience, because the person HE took early is the person HE loves more. I saw her post today, about not knowing what to eat for breakfast. Both her and her mother had somehow automatically thought about asking her father what to eat today, and then they both paused and prayed.I was sad for her. Let us give her father a prayer, may he resides with those of imaan and taqwa. Amin.

Would you rather use a Mac or a PC?

2011-08-03T20:32:00.001-07:00

as long as I have a laptop (regardless its brand) to use, Alhamdulillah

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Do you like horror movies?

2011-08-02T20:22:00.001-07:00

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Ramadhan~

2011-08-02T20:02:00.001-07:00

I remembered Ramadhan, it is the month where everything went silent. I love this month. Even the sharpest noise sounded gentle.

The first Ramadhan without my family around, I was lonely. That is where I got my friends. Naz, Rabing and Ein. We did the first Tarawikh at Kampoung Meranek and had our first sahur together with every bits of maggy mee we saved. The following Ramadhan was equal. Only partially different when Ein went away from us and Mira tagged along.

I remembered going to the bazaar with Kak Dee, when we bought almost every kinds of drinks and kuih and we got back just in time for break fast. I remembered her cooking sahur for me, Kak Nurul and Shasha, when she was the eager one to actually read the prayers instead of us and harassed us to perform solat.

I remembered being sick in Ramadhan, unable to eat anything. I remembered being taken to the clinic by Naz's parents in the middle of the night. I remembered me being absolutely sick I had to skip class, but when I came back from the clinic, I ended up helping the MPPs making bubor lambok instead. I remembered celebrating Yay's birthday pretending we didn't care but actually we did. I remembered my first Tarawikh in the new Masjid in UiTM Sarawak. I went there with Juliet and Jue. We even took pictures together, the three stooges.

I remembered Ramadhan in Penang, when I break fast together with Amalina, Eyra, Tikiu, Nanab, Ana and Tirah. I remembered making sahor for them, harassing everybody in the middle of the morning to make sure everyone eat or at least drink something. I remembered going to bazaar in Perda with Eyra and Nadzir, when my slipper snapped off and I had to but a new one later, which I didn't. I remembered breakfasting with Eyra, Nadzir, Jimie and Suha and feeling absolutely lonely at that point.

I don't know why, I kinda have a thing for remembering things nostalgic as these. Now it is time to open a new chapter for me to remember. Ahlan Ya Ramadhan~

Happy Fasting everybody~

for Papa

2011-07-28T23:45:00.000-07:00

Lyrics;

Ordinary Day

Natasha Ines Wah Idris

Where on Earth can an ordinary day
Begin in such an extraordinary way
Where can you watch the sunrise
And be near enough to touch it

Or find yourself in unfamiliar surroundings
And yet have so many friends
Where can you walk amongst giants
And not feel small

Or become king and conquer kingdoms
All in a day
Where can you feel the core of the Earth
And be soothed by its wonders

Or be in the presence of a stranger
And yet feel so close
Where can you mingle with the oldest races
And be right at home

Where can your wishes come true
A pocket full at a time

A place like no where else on Earth
Malaysia, truly Asia

60kg

2011-07-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

I have been happy, full and blessed. Thank you all. Thank you Allah. This has been a very happy 60kg worth of vacation.

поэмы обречены

2011-07-22T06:38:00.001-07:00

Для записи в коренных способа записи всегда был талант шахты.
Надеяться с пожеланием, чтобы спастись всегда была молитва, которой я петь.
Думать, как писатель представить себе невозможно.
Быть инженером всегда была худа без добра.
Позвольте мне дышать, дай мне видеть, позвольте мне сделать мои собственные решения.
Я может быть не хорошо получается, но по крайней мере я буду чувствовать себя, как быть человеком.
По крайней мере, я буду чувствовать себя живыми.

a fi casineb

2011-07-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

Mae'n ymddangos fel hyn yr wyf wedi breuddwydio am ychydig wythnosau yn ôl. Mae fy nghalon wedi rhwygo weld pethau y dylai nad wyf wedi. Teulu ar wahân. Cyfeillion ar wahân. Cariad ar wahân. Roedd hi, dim ond fi. Rwy'n dymuno nad wyf wedi bod yma. Hoffwn Doeddwn i ddim yn teimlo fel rhedeg i ffwrdd yn y lle cyntaf. Mae'r cynlluniau rwyf wedi bod yn gweithio ar, i wneud yn annisgwyl, bob amser yn gadael i mi synnu yn y diwedd. Hoffwn i weld, yr wyf yn dymuno cyfarfod, hoffwn i fynd, hoffwn i ddod. Dymunaf wneud iawn, hoffwn byddai hi'n deall. Eto i gyd, ni allaf. Mae'r annisgwyl backfired. Y diwrnod ddod i ben. Hwyl fawr teulu, ffrindiau hwyl fawr, hwyl fawr gariad.

Would you rather play a team sport, or solo sport?

2011-07-21T10:03:00.001-07:00

I've played both. Its easier if its a team sport. you got your back supported all the time.

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Kuching

2011-07-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was so devastated and emotionally unstable I thought about going back to the past, where it is familiar and secured. Usually it would be very easy for me to foresee my future if I take a little step back from the present, at least I could anticipate what could have happened. This is one of my mind's reflex psychology when it comes to mental stress. I'll go back to where things were, and I'll plan a better future. Most of the time it helps my nerves and soothe my fears. But that last few weeks, it did not.

I was hoping I could go to where my friends are, Borneo. I wished to see my sisters, my aunties, my girls and the places I've been so used to seeing. I wished to actually relive the moments temporarily, to dine and smell the Sarawak air that has kept me living for 3 years. If only I could just jump, Apparate, or use Pintu Suka Hati from Doraemon.

Then it came, the miracle. The rezeki came from the web. My sister bought me flight tickets to go to Kuching. So here I am now.

However, I came here to live with others. I don't have the cash, I don't have transportation. I just have myself, my suitcase, and my connections here. I would love to see my sisters first, Kak D & Kak Aziey. But they are busy with work and only visible on the weekends. Kak Juzi picked me up on Teusday afternoon. I followed her around until she sends me to Naz's house in Kota Samarahan.

The first day, we didn't do anything much. Loitering about the house, thinking about old times, went to UiTM and the shops we used to run-in while we were students there and some other activities in the house. It was therapeutic but, somehow I misdiagnosed myself. Even if this has been my rehab, I could still feel depressed when I got back into the real world later. Being sober is so not easy!

The second day here, I went to town, eat some Laksa, the ones I have been craving for a long time, and drink Teh C Peng with it. I even asked them if we could loiter about Waterfront as a travelling freak. Musz, Naz and Yay accompanied me today. I wished I could ask them if we could meet the Swinburnettes for a little while but they would have been busy working because by the time we reached Simpang Tiga, it was almost 4pm, and we haven't had lunch yet. We got out quite late due to transportation problem.

Tomorrow's th third day, and I hope I could go and meet my aunty. If I got myself lucky I could even get to have lunch with my sisters. :) TGIF! They could have a two hours lunch <3

7 things about me, Billa Naha

2011-07-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been tagged by Hana Ramzi yesterday so I'm gonna have to answer this. 7 things that people dunno about me. Actually I kinda doubt people don't know things about me..

1. Compassionate. As a friend, as a lover, anything.
2. I'll be cruel if I am in a bad mood.
3. I could cry 3 nights and 3 days mourning a death of a stray cat.
4. My lifelong dream is to live in Europe.
5. I secretly wish life is more like a fairy tale. Knowing how my story would end gives me security. Somehow, God has another idea to make me tough. He made my life a non fairy tale-like. Alhamdulillah.
6. I have 3 stages of unstable emotions. Moncet is an expert in that particular department.
7. I can be very traditional, old school and gnirob when I am in the weird mood. I can look like a rocker when I'm in my happy mood. I can be anything I want according to my mood.

Should you really eat dessert first?

2011-07-18T00:47:00.001-07:00

yeah! why not? It's like a Malaysian tradition. :)

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Hey Berlin!

2011-07-18T00:44:00.000-07:00

Hey hey my ultimate stalker!

Having fun in Berlin? I hope you do. Just make sure you're safe and PURE okay!

I was wondering, can you find me something German-ish and Holland-ish? You know, something like key-chain or anything that actually bares the name of the country where you bought it from. :D (xmalunya!) Hehehe..

Ok I'll be texting you instead later. Just thought you might like an open letter for yourself.

Love you! Mwahmwahmwah!!! Miss you loads! Take care. Bye~

HANCKENSACK

2011-07-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

I've liked this one song that Katy Perry sang on MTV Unplugged. Hackensack. It was actually a Fountain of Wayne's song. It's a very sweet song about long distance relationship between a celebrity and a normal townie. The song somehow coincide with what's in my heart right now.

HACKENSACK

I used to know you when we were young, you were in all my dreams
We sat together in period one, Fridays at 8:15
Now I see your face in the strangest places: movies and magazines
I saw you talking to Christopher Walken on my TV screen

And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you

I used to work in a record store, now I work for my Dad
Scraping the paint off of hardwood floors, the hours are pretty bad
Sometimes I wonder where you are, probably in L.A.
That seems to be where everybody else ends up these days

And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you

And I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you
If you ever get back to Hackensack
I'll be here for you

When I turned on my computer today, the first thing I noticed is someone from Hackensack actually read my blog. Thank you, whoever it is. I really appreciate it.

Harry Potter opens today. If you were going to cast a magic spell, what spell would you cast?

2011-07-15T22:23:00.001-07:00

Accio (everything) yes, I'm too lazy to pick something up so I would love to just do summoning charm :)

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Photo Day 23

2011-07-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

15 facts about Billa Naha

1) I'm super cute! I can pull off the weird styles and still look good.

2) I love elephants. I have more than 6 elephant plushies at home and the newest one is from my dearie Moncet before he went away.

3) I have allergies towards things that are common to be allergic of like dusts and shellfish but I am also allergic to flowers, aloe vera, antibiotic, painkillers, and some other medicine I can't really spell..

4) I like cats, but I hate butterflies.

5) I love books! I can pre-read my books before the motion picture comes out. I can pre-read my books before going to class just because I love doing it and not because I'm a nerd or something. Whenever I feel sad, I'll always bury myself in my books and after sleeping in it, I'll be okay. I just need to resharpen my imaginations and get into the characters before marching over as a new person. That's me!

6) I am a really crazy shoe lover. I dunno why but high heels and boots always makes me drool. I love it more if its leather or 3 inches high.

7) I'm not fond of make-ups and perfume but if it smells sweet and if the colors are not too bold, I'll wear it once in a while.

8) I have a shop in Kompleks PKNS. The name is Krafdunia, it is located on the first floor over KFC. Find me! I'll be downstairs during Ramadhan promotion. :)

9) I'm a very loyal friend, loyal sister, loyal cousin. Just don't go overboard with my loyalty cuz I'll dump any of those if ever I've been stabbed from behind. Truth hurts, but if I can't forgive, I'll just forget about it, including that unforgivable person.

10) I use Facebook SMS to limit my credit usage as I'll be texting someone overseas. :)

11) I hate Malay movies and Malay novels except for quite some few. I read Salina at the tender age of 10 and I have never read anything as good as that in the literature means.

12) I have asthma.

13) I like How I Met Your Mother and Gossip Girls. In How I Met Your Mother, they don't care how their friends dresses, they're still friends for life. And in Gossip Girls, their shoes are great!

14) I secretly wants to be a portrait photographer, a spy, a CSI, a dentist, a doctor, a linguist, a housewife like the ones in Desperate Housewives that looks hot all the time, an explorer, a TLC host like Ian Wright that goes everywhere with a camera crew and tasted every food and take pictures in every place in the world, an actress, a singer, a painter and lastly, a chef. Pity, all of those dreams involves talents that I can't acquire. -_______-"

15) My bucketlist are;
   - finish studying
   - go oversea, work or study, have family
   - learn to cook
   - work as an engineer
   - next semester I want to get into Dean's List.
   - get rich
   - get married
   - learn to fly
   - learn to shoot
   - learn archery
   - elephant ride

course?

2011-07-14T02:49:00.001-07:00

All Star CHEMICAL ENGIMEERING!!

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

ada bf?

2011-07-14T02:48:00.001-07:00

ada je..

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Photo Day 22

2011-07-14T02:12:00.000-07:00

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently... Well, there has been no one messing with me right now or recently but if you cannot forgive, just forget about it :)

What's the craziest thing that happens in your hometown?

2011-07-13T22:45:00.001-07:00

MTV World Stage.

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Kakak Juliet!

2011-07-13T02:46:00.000-07:00

Here are something you asked me a while ago, the price is RM5 a piece.

Okeyh sumpah aku tak reti amek gambar.. once I get a better looking picture I'll repost...

Photo Day 21

2011-07-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

A photo of something that makes me happy. Truthfully, not something but someone. :D

This is he who makes me smile. This was taken in his studio one rainy day, when he was having a fever and I was there to borrow his internet to do my overflowed lab reports. It was overflowed because I had a fever a week before this picture was taken and had to be quarantined. A week later, he had that same fever (maybe got it from me when he sent me home the week before) but he insisted that I stayed, so I did. His friends asked me where he went and what he's doing and all I did was "He's under drug, sleeping". When rain stops and it was time for me to go to class, I had to wake him up. But he was so cute I just have to take a picture. :P Love u sweety. hehehehehe

Photo Day 20

2011-07-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

The meaning behind my blog name was actually being written 2 years ago. This is the link.

But I'll simplify the story anyway. I'm a rocker! Enough said :D

Photo Day 19

2011-07-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

I want to go Haji..

Photo Day 18

2011-07-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

5 things that irritates me about the opposite sex.

Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm loving Gerard Butler to pieces but what I don't like is men's gaming issues. When a guy holds his game, be it from PC, PSP, PS2 or iPod, even his girlfriend couldn't win his heart.

A girl can cry emotionally or just to get what she wants, but he will be more persuasive that I am to be. He'll be the one emotionally disturbed and I'll be the one to make amends. -___-"

Hey, a man will have his ego no matter what right? But yeah, egoism does irritates me..

They are also geniuses and always right. The fact that they are always right makes them all irritating. Haha..

And the thing I dislike most of all about guys is that even with all the irritating thing they do, I still can't find a reason to hate them. Hahaha..

What's your favorite game from when you were a kid?

2011-07-11T00:27:00.001-07:00

super mario!

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Photo Day 17

2011-07-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

I hope my future will be as awesome as ever. I am gonna be an;

I'll be rich and have a house that might resemble this:

But surely though, this is just going to be a vacation house for me. :P My house is going to be just nice to live in everyday.

I am gonna be a married woman, that is for sure. And according to Momy, her children are going to have many offsprings.

I'll be living away, in Europe, maybe. Honeymooning in Venice;

Probably having a once-a-year trip down Annecy and Paris for shopping and leisure, macaroons!!

ANNECY

PARIS

oh mimpi~ I'm going to dream now. Will be continuing this dream later peeps!

July 9th

2011-07-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

Today is my girl, Juliet's 22nd birthday! Yeay you! You're old now so don't you go messing around looking young okay dear? I'm the young one here. Heehehehehe

I'm gonna tell everything I know about this girl. She's the loud one I used to dislike in campus. I didn't know her before so I didn't quite like her for being too loud. But after becoming a PM in UiTM Samarahan for one semester, I think she's the sweetest thing :)

She's always loud so that she could silence her fears. She's a tough cookie that one. Juliet always have this air of making me feel comfortable talking craps with (apart from my sisters), she's that friend I can joke around and talked about fashion (not that I care too much of my style though), about clothes, about headscarves and about guys. I love her!

Somehow, watching the Letters to Juliet reminds me of my Juliet. She's the one I love to tell my man-problem to. Not that I have much problems, just wanted some other opinions. You know, girls~~~

Here is a picture of us, (damn girl we don't have enough pictures together!). :P On the first Tarawih 2009 at Masjid Al-Qurawiyyin UiTM Kota Samarahan.

Photo Day 16

2011-07-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

My short term goals for this month is.....

I'm gonna be going to Kuching a little time later. So I'm going to buy a few rolls of film and capture most of my moments using my two manual cameras. :D

Kuching! Here I come!!!

Photo Day 15

2011-07-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

I cannot leave the house without my bag. It holds my treasures such as my phone and headphone (to avoid talking to strangers), my identifications, my money and bus card :) And also some tissues for future uses :D

Left and Right

2011-07-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've never been good in defining "normality". Since I was small, I'm used to being the weirdo in the family. I'm not a great talker, but I can talk at a great number of speeches. I love to read, but I'm not a good sharer. I've always been partially paranoid by my surroundings, probably because my things are usually shared to others without my consent.

When I was smaller, I used to read at the back of the sofa. I never thought people will take that as a weird thing. I also loved to arrange things via my own imaginations. Usually I'll classify people, it's either they are Lefty or Righty. If they are best for me, and they don't mess with me and my ugly temper, I'll put them as the Right people. If they are the other way around, they are the Left people, means the people I should just leave. Thosewere the ones who always teased me for being a "weirdo". But hey, that's just the way I am right?

These few years, I've been surrounded by Lefties too much that it had caused me pain. I knew I should have left them when they started hurting me but since they were a Righty, I couldn't do that right away. I thought they could change back into a Righty but they didn't. And so, I left them out, blocking them out of my life for good.

Mom showed me that there are still many people out there that I can still call a family. We made our own family within friends and acquaintance and it worked. Now I have more Righties than Lefties. I hate to leave them be but it's best to just stay away. I'll feel less hurt than I should have and I am more content than I ever was. Alhamdulillah.

I'm still weird though. And I couldn't care less.

Photo Day 14

2011-07-06T02:52:00.000-07:00

A TV program I'm currently addicted to....

Photo Day 13

2011-07-04T23:03:00.000-07:00

My favorite artist - John Mayer!

He is very good with his music and he has a nice voice..And not to mention, a nice face too.. :))

Photo Day 12

2011-07-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

Current relationship

This is my current relationship. Status? Long-distanced. We're not perfect but somehow it works. Enuff said ;)

Photo Day 11

2011-07-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

Pictures of my favorite memory.

This is the picture of me on my 20th birthday. I was with Mum and Kak Juzi in Kuching, eating what I love. There's a story behind this picture that made it my favorite.

At the end of 2009, I was quite sick unlike any other sickness I've ever had. I couldn't eat. I discovered an eating disorder that makes me vomit every time I swallowed something, especially water. If I drink a cup of water, I'll be puking back a large bottle of water to the drain and it hurts my guts. I lost almost 10kgs out of that and I've been needled so many times it became a second nature to me. In the midst of that, I was extremely hungry.

Mom came to Sarawak for a meeting on my birthday. She was taking me out to eat when she asked me what I wanted. I said I want a lamb-chop. A great big plate of lamb-chop. Knowing it is my favorite food, Mom asked Kak Juzi where to go and we went there. I forgot the name of the restaurant already,

I ate my lamb-chop and finished off Mum's lamb shoulder and I was so full and happy I couldn't think of being sick. We even met Mom's ex-boss in that restaurant having dinner with his family. He wished me birthday and went back to his seat. After he and his family left the restaurant it was time for us to go too. When Mum went to pay, however, we found out her boss had payed for us. Alhamdulillah!

I didn't vomit that night. :)

The year is halfway over today. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you so far in 2011?

2011-07-02T03:13:00.001-07:00

Being close to my family, being in love, and living life <3

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Photo Day 10

2011-07-02T03:02:00.000-07:00

My favorite place to eat

As everyone knows, I'm a big McDonald's addict since the age of 2. But I don't go to this place much often now. It's hard eating alone. :P

Photo Day 9

2011-06-30T21:28:00.000-07:00


The very last item I purchased

This is definitely the very last item I purchased, as my credit has gone due to my reckless sleeping. (It's a touchscreen smartphone, I dunno what thing I accidentally touched while I was sleeping..) Heeeee~

Photo Day 8

2011-06-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

My dream wedding~

I'd love to have a garden wedding, lake side~

19 Hours and 19 Minutes Ago

2011-06-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

It has been 13 days so far since he's been gone. I've so far kept myself busy and hungry so I had no time to be jealous about not having the chance to go out of the country too. I fast, for three days now, I hope I slim down fast~ Heeee

For the past 13 days he had been calling, chatting, messaging, YM-ing, Skype-ing, Facebooking and every means of telecommunications possible in Malaysia with me without failure. I love hearing his voice but I am afraid that it would burden his money. The price for calling me might be too high but when he insisted, I can do nothing but smile (and a long smile that is~)

He also reads my blog. And I wish he has one for me to read but it doesn't matter, he kept me informed via Facebook, or at least I could always stalk his profile. Like the song goes, "I stalk your profile when I miss you. Tengok semua gambarmu tanpa jemu~"

Really, I miss you Moncet, but I can't miss you too much, cause the next time, it will be me going and you'll be missing me a lot more. :P Hope you are fine and healthy, and happy as you should be, and be back safely in one piece. Don't go hunting and scavenging for girls please, and about Red Light District and weeds, please keep off them. Take care dear.

My stalker from Breda, Noord-Brabant

Photo Day 7

2011-06-29T01:48:00.000-07:00

A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as pet

how to say when u really need him/her in urlife..??

2011-06-28T05:48:00.001-07:00

i'll text him "u...."

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

movie(s) that u're looking forward to..?

2011-06-28T05:46:00.001-07:00

Harry potter!

cube ar tanya pape kalau maw

Photo Day 6

2011-06-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

A song to match my mood..

Love this song! Amazed by it. :) Truthfully, heard it while looking for parking this morning and couldn't get it out of my head..

Lonestar - Amazed

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

Solo

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

Photo Day 5

2011-06-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

What makes me different

I like elephants!

What makes me different is the fact that I am different. What else? I love elephants, hate butterflies, loves all the colors even though I am partially color blind. I like to wear extreme colored shoes and sunglasses, I am not embarrassed wearing any sorts of garments when I like them, I'll wear them.

Photo Day 4

2011-06-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

My favorite picture of my best friends

My best friends, from left; Naz, Rabing, Mir and Me.. Yay isn't here at the time.. haih~

Photo Day 3

2011-06-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

My idea of a perfect first date :)

This is the picture of my first date with Moncet. He filled every part that needed to be perfected. The movie, the ice-cream, the food, and him. And lastly before we parted was i-City (before it was pay-to-enter).

Photo Day 2

2011-06-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

Favorite Movie

Okay, this is my favorite movie because I read the book and it was so touching that it took my heart straight away. And when it became a film I instantly fell in love with it what's with Channing Tatum in it.. **hah~
The story is about a long distance relationship and maybe it's because of the name John. Same goes to John Mayer. Maybe.. Hahahaha :)

Photo day 1

2011-06-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

Favorite Song

I dunno how to make this post. And so, this is my favorite song. It is sang by the one and only John Mayer entitled Your Body is a Wonderland and the song is being made as my favorite person's caller ringtone. :)

30 hari cabaran fotografi

2011-06-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what this is all about but this seems fun, something I collected from Juliet's blog.

30 DAYS PHOTO CHALLENGE

Day 1 — Your favorite song

Day 2 — Your favorite movie

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend

Day 5 – What makes you different from everyone else

Day 6 – A song to match your mood

Day 7 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as pet

Day 8 – Your dream wedding

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased

Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat

Day 11 – A picture of your favorite memory

Day 12 – Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is

Day 13 – A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to

Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without

Day 16 – Short term goals for this month and why

Day 17 – How you hope your future will be like

Day 18 – 5 things that irritate ME about opposite/same sex

Day 19 – A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name

Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy

Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 23 – 15 facts about you

Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you

Day 25 – Who are you?Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you want to go

Day 27 – What kind of person attracts you?

Day 28 – In this past month, what have you learned?

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today & three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

Let me see.. hmmm.. day 1 starts today!

Day 4.. Rejoiced hearing your voice

2011-06-20T23:20:00.001-07:00

I'm a bad sleeper. I could sleep anytime anywhere or not sleep at all. Most of the time, I need food to make me sleep because I tend to get hungry at night. And most of the time, I'll get scolded by Moncet for eating late nights.. which makes me usually not tell him that I was eating until he asked. :D

Sometimes, out of cold, the mucous and sneezes and coughs would just invite themselves to me that I would cough until my throat feels numb. I hate it when that happens. I'll be sleeping at 4am if the coughing occurs. Sometimes asthma comes too. Maybe because of the room being too dusty or just because of the cold. But I doubt there're dusts in the room.

Sometimes I even woke up in the middle of the night out of nothing, and if Tahajud didn't help, I'll be calling him and he'll make sure I get to sleep before he does. So I'll have to talk. I'll tell him from anything to everything until there was nothing to tell anymore and I'll get so tired of talking I'll be putting myself to sleep.

This time, he's not around. I took initiative to watch movies until I fall asleep with the laptop on the bed dies itself away. But somehow, yesterday, I get to hear him again. He called! And I rejoiced. Hahaha I was so happy hearing his sleepy voice it put me to bed straight away. He's like a sandman. Whenever I'm with him, it feels like bedtime. Ecewah cam lagu lak :P

That's all today. Until I write again.

p/s: Moncet, if u read this, please please please make a blog for me to read like your friend suggested and please please please tell me about it okay! :P

Day 1 begins with tears..which weren't mine

2011-06-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

17th June 2011, 11.50pm, we came but a little bit too late. He brought something for her to take with her to Amsterdam, I brought myself as a surprise. But surprise surprise, they went in 2 minutes too early. So none of us actually reached them in time.

I was devastated, yes. But frankly speaking, I thought we wouldn't even get a glimpse of them last night. But we did. So my prayers were granted. I asked HIM to let me see Moncet at least from afar. And I did. So thank you God. Alhamdulillah.

I heard Moncet, through the phone, his angry voice asking me not to give him any more surprises. I didn't. I just want to come. I just wanted to see him off. I just have to. His sweet voice went through the phone again, making sure I was alright again, stable, and not crying like I used to nowadays. I was okay. Until I saw his friend, the one who actually took me there.

He had tears in his eyes. It's quite okay for me not to be able to see my guy for 3 months. I know he'll be happy so I'm not worried. Anyway I'm gonna see him again at the start of the semester so it doesn't bother me too much. Just I wished I could go too. This guy, however, wouldn't be seeing the girl of his dreams for 6 months, won't be in the same class again..and a lot of other things they used to do together.

So our first day without each other, 18th June 2011 at 12.05am begins with a tear from the guy who'd be missing his girl. I just have to take everything in and smile broadly as I see the love in his eyes.

I blew kisses through the glass window as Moncet waved his goodbye and blew me some of his kisses too. :) Gonna miss u Moncet! I can't cry. I promised myself. And I didn't. Thank you God. Alhamdulillah. I see a miracle today.

As I am writing this, I received a text message from Moncet at 12.45pm telling me he's arrived safely in Nederland. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Love from afar...byebye Moncet..

Bye Bye Big Guy

2011-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been pushy, I'm sorry I've been sad, I'm sorry for not able to laugh and smile like I used to when I see you, and I'm sorry you're the source of my tears. Yet I've been unable to understand how you managed to make me sad when you were the one person who always makes me happy. I know I shouldn't be like this so I'll be frank to you. I'll miss you so much so..goodbye my lover.

the Beaches and the Hillls

2011-06-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

Sending Jimie back to Penang, we took our own chances to go for a family trip in Penang. Mom and Dad asked us; the kids where we want to live in for the night- the beach or the city. Of course the four of us said BEACHES!! So we strolled around Batu Ferringhi to find a place to stay for the night.

We stayed in a small beach motel that overlook the sea. The view was spectacular. With people parasailing and jet skiing, motor boats and banana boats, the sunset and the ABC taste better than we've ever tasted before. The next day we ate the most fabulous Penang cuisine ever~

And Last Friday Night, we went to Fraser's Hill for a good time Family Day with Mom's friends! We crammed in a three bedroom apartment with 7 families altogether, we ride boats, horses and we even became Robin Hood by becoming archers. We played in the river and hear Uncle Kamari sings at the evening, and had a BBQ at night in the cold cold weather. Oh the day couldn't get any better. Later that morning, we ate and played bubbles in the park.

REVENGE!

2011-05-22T04:44:00.000-07:00

My convocation day was on the 20th of May 2011, and I have had my greatest revenge of all.. Remember there was this one time I posted something about revenge? Let me repost the photo again :

Everyone was somewhat praying for me not to fall off the stage, but if I did fall, it is somehow anticipated by all.. I did not. So I have had my GREATEST REVENGE EVER! Wootwoot!!

I didn't expect many to come to my graduation though. Mom and Dad, well, they must come! :D Jim, he's the photographer/driver. Moncet, I kinda forced him to come too. But Rabing and Mira, I was really happy and surprised and thankful they were there! And Pipah too! Really, I didn't expect any entourage at all.

Not long after that, my Aunt came too, with her breeds, and Mia, someone I was almost shocked to see at my convocation, but flattered nonetheless.

Here are some pictures we've taken on that day. :D Thank you all for coming, and for giving me flowers, and the bears, I'm really-really happy. Thank you!

P/S: Thank you Ya Zhi Lim and Denna Ance Bunas, the flower was pretty and I wish I could drag both of you too.. hahaha!!

The family

The Girlfriends

The Teddy.. oops! The other half..

the Graduate

The friends

The entourage

The Whole Enchilada

Daddy's Little Girl, all grown up

The Gifts

The Heels

Here are just some of the pictures that I've edited so far. So that's about it!

Sisterly Love

2011-05-22T04:43:00.000-07:00

Kak Dee came here last week, Saturday for her own convocation the Wednesday after. Her family was here too, so, I went out with them throughout the week. We went to KLCC, Tugu Negara, and to my horror, Butterfly Park. Here are the frozen memories I captured..

And here are her graduation pictures!

WALKABOUT

2011-05-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

I walked and walked and walked until I could barely move. But I still walk on. Well, that was just nothing. I actually enjoyed walking around my own hometown and country. I love travelling. I love picnicking, I love taking pictures, and I love to be with friends.

Me and Nurul went shopping on the first day of holiday, 11th May 2011. We went to KL.

And the next Saturday, 14th of May 2011, I went to Port Dickson with Rabing and Mira

Well, that's about it with friends, for now.. :)

PARIS, we will meet again

2011-05-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

I've been to Paris, I've been to London, I've been to Mecca, Madinah and I've been to India. I have also been to Singapore. That's about it though. But one place I've always wanted to live in is London. I love it there. But now the place is swarming with Malaysians it will only make it feel more like home.

I have had this dream one day, after pillow-talking with Moncet dearest. We were browsing cottages and houses and countries that we want to live in later. I know it's a bit cheesy, corny and lovey-dovey but that's what we do every busy time we have together. I mean, when we're both busy, we'll find something to do "together" like reading a certain blog or looking at certain pictures while still getting our work done.

Okay back to the story, we did find somethings that we both like. I want a big country-like house with a lot of windows overlooking the creek or lake. He wants a small cute house with a yard; he wants a lot of land to run on, but the same, overlooking a creek or any lake, at a countryside. We both wanted a bedroom at the attic and some other romantic stuff I'd love to keep in my mind for keepsake :)

But he loves the countryside. I love the city. I don't know how we are going to manage living in both at the same time. And I'd love a big house, he wants it small. We did manage to find a picture of a house that kinda suits both of our interest. It has a lot of windows, just the way I like it.

After that talk, well, I dreamt of this place I've been longing to be in. Paris. Overlooking the Eiffel Tower. I was on this Ferris Wheel. Just me and him. We just watched the sun sets and looked at the Tower as the Ferris Wheel moved. It feels nice. And well after that I cant remember anything except falling down an Alice Underground hole. I realized back then that I was actually falling off the bed. =___=""

Well, the real reason why I dreamt of the first dream was because I have actually seen a photo somewhere in Tumblr that looks very much like my dream. Heeeee.. Funny me. Here's the picture.

See? What did I tell you? ;p

P/S: He said my post is like a newly wed couple looking for houses and planning our future together. GOSH! Am I THAT corny???? Okay one thing I want to state here is that, well, we were kinda bored when we did that. Ok? Just wanted a little crazy time together, no more and no less..
**shout! : Hey honey! Is this okay for you?**

NEGATIVES

2011-05-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

Negatives are films that has not been developed yet. The colors are inverted but the product later are instant art. I found a lost memory in Momy's room today. Old negatives. Somehow, I don't have enough money to develop them out, but I used pure brain to have them colored. I actually took a picture of them and develop them by just diverting the colors and I got the pictures that I wanted. They're not that brilliant, but they'll do for now. :)

Me and Jimie

Jimie

Me holding Abe with Jim beside me

Us again

These are some of the pictures I've developed. Pretty neat huh?

2011-04-24T22:59:00.000-07:00

RICHARD MARX - RIGHT HERE WAITING

Oceans apart day after day

And I slowly go insane

I hear your voice on the line

But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never

How can we say forever

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times

That I thought would last somehow

I hear the laughter, I taste the tears

But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby

You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive

This romance

But in the end if I'm with you

I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby

You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

Rummaging through the dark and the thin years

2011-04-22T01:02:00.000-07:00


Me, Jim and my very BLUE shades...

Every time I got sad, or something is clearly bothering me, I'll find something to do that will somehow soothe my aching head, or most of the time, heart. I'll do cleaning, or laundry, or sometimes, I cook, swim, run or write. But when I start rummaging through old pictures, that's when I realize, I'm actually at lost.

I am at lost now. I eat a lot, I sleep a lot, I haven't studied yet, I wake up very late, I concocted my own linguine recipe, I even rummaged through Momy's cabinet for some old pictures to reminisce. And I have no idea what is that thing that is bothering me right now.

I guess, maybe I want to live in the past because they're all looked easy. Maybe I just needed some boost to make my new problems now look easy. I dunno, maybe I should try to smile and pretend that the thing ARE easy. Maybe if I pretend hard enough I'll make myself believe in it.

One thing I know for sure, I wear boots and colored-frame sunglasses since I was so young so nobody should dare to despise or say I steal anybody's look coz it is and has always been my way of fashion.. I like it. It's my look. :)

my orange sunnies :)

see those red-leathered boots?

and the purple shades... :)

see those booty?

and not to mention orange shoes

and the red shoes....see?

The point is, I've been mold to be unique and I'm quite good at being different. It's not normal for me being normal, so for everyone's information, I am saluting Lady Gaga's song, Born This Way.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Coz God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track baby

I was born this way

It was a year ago....nah~

2011-04-15T00:58:00.000-07:00

The first time we met, we somehow didn't quite like each other very much. It was on 21st of March, 2008, more than 4 years ago. We eventually became friends after the 23rd when we exchange numbers. Then we sort of became more than just friends til the end of 2008.

We somehow lost contact on 2009, in hoping that my life has successfully able to live alone after having heartbreaks and back-stabs on 2008, but well, God knows how I couldn't. HE brings him back to me at the end of 2009.

On 2010, April 15th, he eventually asked me out on a date. Daddy drove me, Jim (my brother) picked me up, and we're inseparable since. We went for a movie and Jim took us to I-City *at the time it was not yet invaded* which was fun and happy~

Now, a year after our first date, I hope for more years ahead. I hope he wont forget me this coming 6months. And I know we'll still be inseparable later, as our favorite theme song goes, If We Ever Meet Again... <3

15th April 2010

I'm in love with a Beast

2011-04-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

I've been staying up for 2 nights straight now, according to Moncet, it's always too early to be sleeping. He has been staying up forever. +_+

I have a Math test today at 2, and as I've failed gloriously (x_x) means I need to spend more time with the books. But then again, I might be blanked out later due to the lack of rest.. Haish~

While I am studying, I do like a bit of noise which is not distracting. Usually I'll listen to my MixPod here but then, I'd love to watch something too so as to not make myself get sleepy. So I streamed Beauty and the Beast instead.

Belle who has the same name as I have, or my name is named after her, maybe, or because Momy was also called Belle at her hometown, accepts Beast for whatever creature he is. Even when he's hideous and scary, she still loves him as a human for the human he is underneath. Why can't people nowadays realize that, or love something like that? I can...

I've seen him thick and thin, and believe me, I have. We met for the first time in March, 2008. I didn't like him at the time. He was quite slim and handsome then, but I didn't like him. He sort of had this attitude I didn't quite attracted to, and still has it now, but he also acquire this charm I couldn't resist.

Ultimately we became friends, scandalous friends, best friends, and through to that, we became lovers (or something like that). I don't know what he sees in me, or what I see in him, but the Beast he has masked upon himself managed to make me fall for him. His inner side is something more. He is so much more, and I still don't know what it is.

I think I'm like Belle. I see beyond Beast' appearance and surface, and underneath all that scary face, there lies the human he was and still is. We just need to look beyond the surface, and not just the cover.

I used to care about the appearance of the person I'm going to love, **he must be as handsome as my father**, but what if he was handsome, and suddenly became a Beast? Must I hate him just because he looks different? Must my love towards him fade with the disappearance of his looks?

I'm Belle, through and through. Just like Momy who would accept Papa no matter how beastly he would've become **apperance-based**. I know that, because true love is an unconditional love.

That Guy in Green

2011-04-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

I asked that guy in green, Isn't France is near to where you'll be?

He answered, Yeah. We are planning to round Europe then. Maybe go to Venice. Don't worry, I'll take pictures for you later.

Oh this fat guy in green. =_="

This is he, the guy in green, driving me to Pak Mal's Nasi Ayam as my head throbbed too much for me to drive too far. @_@ Thanks anyway Moncet!

A Post for Jila 'Osm :)

2011-04-10T00:37:00.000-07:00

Girl, if English is what you seek, English is what you will find. Here are some great books and good authors with good grammar which you could use to help in your writing. Try tiru sikit-sikit their style and analyze their grammar, once da biasa, for sure grammar jadi flawless.. :) These are the books that I have read and some I actually have here at home. You could even download the pdf at 4shared, bole baca kat pc.

list of good authors with good books..
1. Jodi Picoult
~ My Sister's Keeper
~Plain Truth
~Nineteen Minutes
~Change of Heart
~Vanishing Acts
**banyak lagi

2. Mitch Albom
~Tuesdays with Morrie
~Five People You Meet in Heaven

3. Jeffrey Archer
~Sons of Fortune
~Paths of Glory

4. Cecilia Ahern
~If You Could See Me Now
~P/S: I Love You
~A Place Called Here
~The Gift
~Thanks for The Memories
~Where Rainbows Ends

5. Nicholas Sparks
~A Walk to Remember
~The Notebook
~The Guardian
~The Last Song
~The Lucky One
~Dear John

6. Audrey Niffenegger
~Time Traveler's Wife

7. Lauren Weisberger
~The Devil Wears Prada
~Everyone Worth Knowing

8. Soheir Kashoggi
~Nadia's Song
~Mosaic

9. Arthur Golden
~Memoirs of a Geisha (the best I've read so far!)

10. Sophie Kinsella
~The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic (famously known as Confession of a Shopaholic)
**these are series.

11. Candace Bushnell
~Lipstick Jungle
~Sex and The City
~Trading Up

12. J.K. Rowling
~Harry Potter series (I have 'em all)

13. Dan Brown
~The Da Vinci Code

14. Khaled Hosseini
~The Kite Runner

15. R.L. Stine
~Goosebumps series. (BEST!!)

16. Jane Austen
~Pride and Prejudice
~Sense and Sensibility

17. Frances Hodgson Burnett
~Secret Garden (I read this when I was 7)
~A Little Princess (so does this one)

I'm gonna tell you something though, Stepehie Meyer's Twilight Saga sucks! Her grammar is ugly and the story is nothing. Good luck sis! May you get what you want and may I will be able to publish my book as well once I've got the time.. :)

Kenangan Lalu Mengusik Jiwa

2011-04-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

Some GOLDEN AGED pictures that makes me happy to the core when I look at them... Oh I miss diploma days, but I don't wish to go back to that day though ;p

Nur Azimah Raha Ahmad Jeffrey, may God bless you

2011-04-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

You were in the papers Kak Aziey! When we went to donate our blood, both of us had no idea that there would be press and reporters or even the Deputy Prime Minister, YAB Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin. We were almost as clueless as one another as none of us had actually donated blood before nor do we ever qualified to. But when we do, we took a lot of pictures of ourselves, proud, not because we just donated blood but because we were able to. It was our first time and trust me, there will be another time later.

After a day, I finally remembered that the reporters who took your pictures did asked me about your name. So I Googled. And there you were, Bernama and Ututsan Malaysia Online.

Menyambung kehidupan untuk orang lain...

See.. It's you! I should probably inform the uncle beside you about this. His shirt is partially in the picture. :)

Today was FUN!

2011-04-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

Today was really fun as me and Kak Aziey (Kak Dee's bestfriend) went to Midvalley via Star + Putra + KTM just to buy me a pair of heels for my graduation. The first thing we did when we get to Midvalley was actually donating our blood. We didn't actually planned to, but we did, and Kak Aziey had her own surprise as some photographers were really anxious in taking her picture with her blood. Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin, the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia was also there to support the campaign.

Kak Aziey and the spotlight~

When I've justfinished and Kak Aziey just started...

My bloody blood

TheDeputy Prime Minister, Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin

Kak Aziey and her blood

After blood donating, we went for Korean Cuisine! Kim Chi Jji Gae which I dont even know what it is~

After food, Nikon Expo!!!

These were only some of the things we did, but unfortunately I don't have that much pictures to share. Kak Aziey was actually the star of the show at that blood donation drive. She had had her picture taken for Bernama and Utusan Malaysia both. Try Googling your name Kak!! You're famous!

Here's her blog : http://ramblecurators.blogspot.com

Her name's Nur Azimah Raha Ahmad Jeffrey. :D

Hope there'll be a blood donation campaign later on so I can drag Kak Aziey for some more blood cleaning~

What Is Love?

2011-03-31T04:55:00.000-07:00

Love is when I love you, and you love me back, maybe more than I do.
Love is when you didn't care who I was, where I come from, what I did, as long as I love you.
Love is when you love me just the way I am.

Love is blind, as people say day to day...but would you love me if I was blind? Or deaf? Or silent?
Love conquers all, but if I have more money, am I the one who'll conquer you?
Love is hard, but it needn't be, or does it?
Love is crazy, it makes people crazy, should it?

I don't want you to love me because of money
Or your looks, or your status
I want to love you because GOD makes me love you

I don't wish you to love me because I'm pretty, cause I'm not.
I just hope you would see me as pretty as I can be,
as I see you and kept falling in love over and over again.

I want to love you, and need you simultaneously
I'm going to need you more to be in Heaven later, with you.

So, what is LOVE to you?

At Last, Pictures of the Cameragirl from the Cameraman, Daus~

2011-03-30T01:47:00.000-07:00

He Got In!

2011-03-30T00:56:00.000-07:00

He called me early in the morning today, telling me the good news. He was ecstatic! Oh how happy he was when he told me that. When I was left speechless, clouded by the happiness he engraved in me, he asked a question. "Are you sad?"

Am I that transparent he can see me underneath, know how I felt at that exact moment? I was happy for him, really. I know he'd wanted this so much and I was the one who helped injecting those feelings. Yet I feel really sad that he's leaving. I hope he'll be alright. I hope he won't forget about me. I hope he eats right over there. I hope and hope and then, I hope I could go too.

I've planted that wish since years ago; to study overseas. I will, one day. This is partially my dream he's living, so I'll be really happy for him. An envious feeling mixed with a sadness of him leaving me behind, but hey, he has his own life and future, and I have mine. Even if (in God's will, there might be hope) his future is mine, he has his own rights to live this, and he deserved every bit of this award.

I know he'll be reading this. He knows me too well. I want him to know that this girl is waiting, always waiting for him. And even though long distance relationship is a bit cruel, we've been this way for 3 years, we'll be okay, insyaAllah.

A Quite Cute Guy in the Library

2011-03-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

We locked our eyes for the first time in the library. I was smiling, and he was smiling back. We somehow felt connected smiling across each other table. He's quite cute though, I thought. Nurul was talking something about work and all. I couldn't quite think that much as the library, well, it was really cold.

I turned on my laptop and resumed my undone work while listening to Norah Jones. And suddenly I felt it again. His eyes were on me. I tossed a smile at him, knowing he'd smile back. Okay, not quite cute so much anymore.

Then, his friend beside him who was constantly listening to songs and humming them hummed a little too close to singing for the whole level. We looked at each other for a minute than laughed together. Owh that was awkward.

He looked at me again before he left. That was when Moncet was texting me .I knew he was smiling, but I wasn't bothering to smile back. Love tops it all and I couldn't care less about any other cute guys in front of me (unless he is Gerard Butler or Russell Crowe). Sorry quite-cute-guy. My fat guy tops you. :)

Cameron Highlands

2011-03-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

I had a class trip last Sunday the 20^th to Cameron Highlands. We visited an incinerator plant there. We thought it was only a class’ trip but then it was actually a club’s trip. A whole bunch of seniors we don’t even know went together as well.

There were 86 participants all together on the trip and took us 3 buses to get there. And of course, the whole lot of us wouldn’t dare to lose sight of each other even once as none of us actually know any seniors there. They didn’t even seem to notice us that day. Haih~

We took a lot of (and by this I meant very much) pictures before the trip. We were almost excited because this was the first time ever that our class actually gets together. I was the photographer (of course) and I was a kind of the freak in the group, really. :P

I wore a multicolored shawl (a gift from Moncet), my blazing red shoes from Mom, my purple Oakley sunglasses from Dad, my Petronas green jacket which all of us were made to wear and a bag pack that I brought to class every day.

I look a lot weirder as I shoot pictures and sketch the plant instead of just scribble everything down on my notebook. One of the seniors was like “look at her, she sketches!” and I was thinking, am I really weird? But as Mom and Dad always say, “It’s you. If you’re not weird, we’ll be worried”, I guess I’m still considered as normal, right?

I didn't buy loads, only a few things. Strawberry jams, strawberries for the girls, 2 strawberry-shaped pillows for my baby bros, strawberry key chains, tea, and a shirt for Abo. I didn't even buy anything for myself considering I don't eat strawberries anyway.

My classmates were crazy about flowers, most of the bought some for themselves. I didn't. I'm allergic to pollen so it'll be silly of me to give myself asthma for no reason. But well, my classmate (a guy) did gave me some and at that moment, I really wished it was Moncet who actually gave me those flowers. :(

We got back safely around 11.30pm that night. We were (I know I was) extremely exhausted due to the crazy route downhill that made most of us puke. I managed to stay intact until we arrived at Tapah but it was quite a trip all in all.

The sweeties of EH2203

The heroes of EH2203

Moi

Moi again~

Do I look weird?

all of us~

+ the seniors

Nurul

the me?

the boys

he bought flowers for his girlfriend

Thanks to that trip, we are closer now than ever! Love my class soooo much! Love you EH2003!

Casey Abrams

2011-03-16T23:57:00.000-07:00

I never was an American Idol fan since ever, but this year, I'm a fan! A die hard fan! I'd go home every week just to watch two of my favorite contestants sing. They are Casey Abrams and Scotty Mccreery. The first guy, Casey, is a very hairy guy who's not exactly handsome or sexy as Jennifer Lopez might've said but I love his performance! He really nails it with his music. He's out of the ordinary, he brings a bass to the stage and sing with it! He's a WOW....!!!

As for the second person, was Scotty, he sings country music so well with his really deep voice and man, he's so young, he could fool me is he said through the phone that he's 50. But he's great!

Anyhow, I don't exactly know what I want to write actually so...bye!

Emancipate

2011-03-08T11:34:00.000-08:00

Am I really that annoying? I kind of feel neglected here, there, everywhere. It seems like everything I do is really a terrible move for me to take. Someone might get hurt, even if it means me. Maybe I shouldn’t do this and shouldn’t do that. Maybe I’m supposed to just do what I’ve been told but, who’s gonna tell me anything anyway?

I’m really good at making friends, trust me, I know. But I’m also really good in tossing friends away. Trust me, it happens. I don’t exactly toss them, just that they seemed less attracted to me, and lastly, they’ll evaporate, just like steam. I hate when that happens. I somehow felt being less important, anonymous, invisible…nonexistent. It feels sucks. But I really don’t want to make an appearance either. That would really put me under microscope and everything I do will be watched regularly.

I’ve been trying to get away from people’s eyes since forever but one wants to feel appreciated some way or another. I want to feel appreciated. If getting appreciation would make my friends leave me, or getting friends would make my life a nonexistent one, what should I do then? I have real friends, yes, who are mostly far away from me. They can’t always help me out when I’m stranded, I know that. I understand how their situation is but, frankly speaking, I just haven’t been able to be happy nowadays. I’m missing life, seriously.

I’ve always been loyal to my friends, colleagues, lovers, family, cats even, yet somehow, some people just don’t look at me as a loyal person and he/she might not just leave me alone, they’ll try to break my heart first then they’ll leave me be. Am I really that cruel to receive such punishments?

I hope my lover isn’t leaving me behind like the previous ones. They’re just the same as my backstabbing sweethearts, my hurtful certain family members, my touch n’ go bffs. I think I’m going back to the year the ice cools again. I’ll be off again. I’ll be with my coffee, my coke, my ice-cream and my red shoes. I’ll shut my ears with earphones, cover my eyes with sunglasses, cover my head with weird hats, and cover myself with books and my laptop. I’ll not receive any good vibe from people simply because I want them. No. I will earn respect in time.

I’m sorry for those who felt the way I do, or whoever think that they have anything to do with my foul mood. Trust me, nobody who is alleged for giving me a foul mood is ever gonna read this. They just simply don’t care.

Write away

2011-03-04T02:59:00.000-08:00

I've taken up writing...remembering that it was my real hobby since school. I've only known English so, even when I want to write a full Malay-based novel, it'll have to be in English. I wonder if I should try becoming a writer. Author, more like. Maybe. But I have a little wish now. A sweet dream about what I want to be when I'm older.

I want to be a "green freak". Not the monster/hero like Hulk, no. That'll be awful. Me being bulky and all that. Eew. I was talking about green-tech stuff. With eco-friendly home and everything organic, with green vines covering my house and all those pretty landscape stuff that I can do by combining my waste-water treatment knowledge with his architectural knowledge (ooops, who the?).

Well, that's just a dream. Maybe I should have been dreaming a lot to achieve more ideas, although that means I need to sleep a lot too, which I don't much now. I always slept at 3am and wake up early. Sometimes, I woke up very late because in my mine was an alarm clock that'll tell me whether there's any class or not that day.

Maybe I should become a Chemical Engineer slash Landscape Artiste slash Organic Superwoman slash crazy insomniac slash author. Wow! That's a lot to put on my resume.

I don't know about my life in twenty years from now (I'll be 42) but I have a Bucketlist of hopeful things to scratch off and the first one begins with Degree. So this is my self-preservation and mental preparation slash diary actually. I know my life wouldn't get any easier as the more I learn, the harder I'll have to understand what I've learnt, really.

Well, my Bucketlist tells me to get up now. It seems like I have a thousand other things to do tonight. Wish me luck guys!

For the Most SPECIAL PERSON in My Heart

2011-03-01T03:19:00.000-08:00

I wrote an application letter for Moncet yesterday. An application to do internship in Holland. I know, it is going to be hard for me to cope with his studying abroad and all, but hey, he's not my husband nor is he my boyfriend (yet...kot ;p) for me to tie to my wrist everyday.

Even when he is the most special person in my heart, it is his future we're talking about. If he is who Allah made for me, maybe that future is going to be ours but for the time being, I want him to live every moment the way he want to without feeling guilty for leaving me behind. Besides, travelling is fun after all.

He talked about wanting to see a friend, S from Germany. I was jealous (figures!) of course. I'm always jealous when he says something (or anything) about a girl but like I said, he isn't mine fully, so it is not appropriate for me to argue with that. Anyway, even if he's mine in a way, I respect Moncet's privacy the way he respects mine. So jealousy will always a friend of mine, just that I need to keep everything in the terms of no-hard-feeling and no-sorok-sorok policy.

I hope he gets it, that internship post. I want him to be able to be the best in what he does, and I want to be that way too; to be good in what I'm doing. Actually, before he even said anything about going to Holland for internship, I've been telling Mom and Dad about going to United Kingdom myself for an internship. Heee ;p Mom agrees of course. So does Dad. Well, I can't wait for my turn later. Hope I can overcome this semester without any problem, insyaAllah, and next semester when Moncet will not be around (if he gets that internship), Ameen.

Well, if he gets it, I'm going to be the first to cheer. I'll be there for the send-off, and I'll try to be there everytime he's online. If I don't, I'll make sure he reads my blog to tell my life to him. :)

Dean and Me

2011-03-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

On my first week here, the faculty's Dean summoned me to her office due to a Nabila who made a little problem with the faculty rule. So, I was in the wrong place with the wrong name at the wrong time. :(

Today, however, I was definitely at the wrong place, wrong time but has definitely nothing to do with my name. The Dean was in the lab bringing a couple of guests from another university (sumpah tak tau sape) and I was the only one in the lab who was asked what experiment were we doing and so on. Haih~ Hopefully after meeting with the Dean more that a few times will make me on her list, Dean's List.

Kecik

2011-02-20T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hari ini Kecik ak. Papa meninggal. **Sobsob** . Semalam masa dia nazak, mama sampai tak sampai hati nak masuk dapur pun sebab Kecik ada kat dapur. Sian Kecik.. Tu je. Semoga Kecik rest in peace.

for MONCET

2011-02-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

There is this new I've learned, about a friend. She was kind, she was nice, yet, I just knew that she was something else. I can't see her in my face, can't talk to her, can't accept that she did what she did. Maybe what she did was none of my business but I felt betrayed. I can't even take myself straight now that I've known the truth. I wish I didn't know. I wish..

Moncet isn't anywhere to be found right now. I miss him! I need him! He is the only one in this whole wide world that can dissolve my stupid emotions. He can make me forget about her. But I can't find him. He's missing in action and I'm too stressed thinking about that girl I'm almost on a breaking point here.

How am I to calm down? How can I not think about this? How can I stop being depressed? Oh Moncet, just tell me goodnight so I can be calm, PLEASE!

**some things are better left unsaid, unheard, untouched, unseen, and unknown**

p/s: I'm crying awfully lot now ;(

Forgotten-blog~

2011-02-18T00:25:00.000-08:00

I'm currently typing in a very cold IT room at PTAR1 in UiTM Shah Alam. As my hands are trembling I hear the noise made by the people outside the library. They cheer about something I don't know. I've been very very very busy with studying that I felt like I don't exactly have time to study ;p.

I mean, I have a class every day from 8am till 6pm, depends on the days, and some other varsity activities at nights and every weekend that the university made us join. If it is not for the sake of university, then it is for the faculty alone. At night, sleep time.Whenever I have time, well, I'll go for a walk or two with beloved Mr. Moncet. But most of the time I'm gonna have to follow his time as he is busier than me.

I don't have a class today so I went to Menara SAAS to help daddy for a while (after finishing a little laundry). I'm going for a swim later today to burn some of my extra fatties so I can have a svelt (NOT LIKELY!) body by the time for my graduation later (which is in PENANG!!!!). I don't even feel like convocating when I know where it is going to be. :(

My friends wont be there, my sister wont be there, and my Moncet would definitely wont be there, so it'll be minus some people to make me feel happy-ER that day but since Mommy and Daddy will be, hehehehehe, I'm going to ask for more flowers la :D (actually maw mereka datang for the flowers, the pictures and the teddies jek~ teruk tol saya ni~)

I'm sooooooooooo freakin cold! Gotta go!! Miss blogging so much but...no time!